today to a friend of mine in regards to my newest diagnosis involving my daily habits. I think I suffer from Genetic Weaving Disorder, or GWD as it's commonly known. It's a relatively ancient disorder typically found in individuals who have the unconscious desire, dare I say need, to weave inexplicably in and out of traffic. No matter if this person is driving a car, riding a bike, or running in the annual Turkey Trot these folks need to weave and weave bad. Of course, excessive speed isn't necessary for sufferers of GWD; simply weaving while walking easily satisfies these weave-gluttonous souls (naturally, a little superfluous speed doesn't exactly hurt either). One of the most mesmerizing spectacles of GWD-er life is watching one of them blatantly take advantage of the poor saps at your local busy food market. The inexperienced GWD-er will weave without plan and can sometimes end up falling behind in the race for the unfortunate high school student manning the checkout counter. But the mature GWD-er is like a god among... well, non-gods, as he/she sees three and four moves in advance, progressing ever closer to the final destination. A rather simplistic test for Genetic Weaving Disorder is to gauge his/her response to any particular weaving endeavor. As several successful weaves begin to compound upon each other the GWD-er will begin to feel a stronger pulse, all else will fade from existence, and dare I say importance, as the future becomes the present and passersby are left helpless to comtemplate their own pathetic mortal actuality. The GWD-er is left with only the taste for more and is typically pushed into a spiral of depression if additional medication (weaving) is not administered in a timely manner. If you suffer from such symptoms DO NOT seek professional help -- simply feed the weave and enjoy the genetic blessing.
Disclaimer: Oh who am I kidding; I'm not disclaiming anything!
