I had a conversation with someone about skydiving (this person used to be in the Army and did some jumping), BASE jumping, and cliff-diving. Naturally, as any enthusiast would be, I immediately was flushed with the desire to go jump again - don't really care from what structure, moving or not, just want to jump. In our discussion I told him about the first time I went skydiving and about the Accelerated Free-Fall Class I took with two friends (this trip was where the double-barrel bird came from but I'll save that story for later). Here's a sample of what was told:
"So we take this class, it's roughly 7-8 hours where 90% of our time was spent learning how to recognize, adjust, and rectify a bad/tangled/just plain messed up parachute. We practiced how the actual jump, or fall rather, out of the plane takes place (down-up-down-arch), body positions for proper "falling", how and when to flare, etc. Now, there's this older gentleman in the class and this guy isn't getting any of this right! He's slow with the down-up-down-arch thing (he keeps getting it backwards), he's slow to respond with the course of action when dealing with a bad chute, he can't get his body in the right position... you get the idea. And all my friends and I could say was, "We are going to watch this guy die today! We are going to actually watch a human bounce off the earth! This is not right..." I gotta tell you, I was so concerned with his safety and envisioning what was going to take place I couldn't even think about the details of my own jump. But wait a minute -- they wouldn't let someone jump if they weren't ready, would they? Seriously, though, can the skydive organization say otherwise? Yeah, yeah, liability and all that nonsense -- this guy did pay his fee and did sign all the necessary waivers freeing the talented folks from all claims should he go all bouncy-ball and what not. What was even more bizarre was that my friends and I were apparently the only concerned individuals present during this imminent fiasco. I imagine the instructors had seen similar instances where a student wasn't exactly "getting it" but we were so past "not grasping the concepts" I was literally fearing for this guy's life! So fast forward a few hours, past dinner (and the double-barrel bird story -- relax, it's coming next post), and now we're at crunch time... or gut-check time as my 7th grade football coach used to say. Here's the kicker: This guy, the same guy who's been approaching his 120 mph plunge-of-a-death all day, goes up in the plane, jumps out, magically has everything come to his brain and cause the right body parts to do the right movements, lands, survives, comes BACK THE VERY NEXT DAY and jumps two more times! What in the world was that about! I just spent almost 8 hours worrying about his death, whether I should attend the memorial/funeral service because of us being so close(?), how to react when he bounces (to act surprised or the whole "yeah, we saw that coming"), and whether I'd be called as a witness at the impending criminal/civil charges brought against the instructors. But NO! He simply hops out of the plane, decides he's Mr. Jumpy-Jumperston, and down-up-down-arches two more times! Never mind the fact my blood pressure was unnecessarily elevated and I was analyzing just how many bones he would truly break upon impact (all 206 or just 183?). Well, I suppose it's better this way... him surviving I mean. The last thing anyone wants is a crater caused by a human body impacting the earth at terminal velocity!"
Needless to say my audience (grew from one listener to several) rather enjoyed my account of such potentially horrific events and I was obliged with a trip down memory lane. Come to think of it, I wonder where that inevitable-heart-attack-for-everyone-else-around-and-watching guy is right now.
