Pajamation

I find myself...

in a cyclical pattern of internal conflict, oddly enough, all while maintaining perhaps the most peaceful of perspectives and understanding. Usually, the individuals that trace through my day are blissfully unaware of that which plagues both my heart and mind the most, thankfully so I’m sure. But there are those rare occasions (by my standards at least) where either by an intrinsic reaction or desire for discussion I unnecessarily unleash the various thoughts with which I grapple. Perhaps it is the nature of thought or the style of a person’s consciousness that determines the subjects allowed to escape from the vault of secrecy and into the open for public discourse or what is normally known by most as public ridicule. Many introverts (myself included – at least partly) spend ample amounts of their life listening to the sounds carried on people’s breath and can easily master that which is unseen: character judgment. They may watch an individual’s body language, spoken responses, or simply the manner in which a person exists, and in time, whether cosmic or quantum, have a blueprint accurately depicting all expected and unexpected reactions. That is not to say that the introvert is merely a spectator watching from the stands, but rather a being who chooses to learn more by observation and natural occurrence; they are perhaps the truer recipients of various scenarios as opposed to the natural catalysts. Oddly enough, at various times an old friend of mine has informed me that I am a mixture, or what she/he refers to as a moody person… normally after a time where my life is extrovertly displayed only to be followed by a duration of classic introvert behavior. An attempt to explain my innate emotional state would normally lead to comments implying that no one can be of such nature; either you are one or the other. Granted, all people encompass both sides of the coin but few swing too wide beyond the sagittal fence-line of one’s psyche. Being who I am I would of course disagree with her/his assessment but to no avail. I would also attempt to elucidate the term “moody” and how it is typically associated with individuals suffering from physical conditions resulting in a hormonal imbalance, thus causing a true mood-swing to take place... normally afflicting unassuming and unfortunate bystanders. Based upon those conversations as well as the surveying of everyday existence I have concluded that society expects and desires people with simplistic patterns. The fact a person may be complex, but not complicated, does not quite compute with the average person embarking on a normal (mundane) day of life. Complicated people easily lead to an addition of drama, and most people would rather chair the “Glutton for Drama” department rather than be at the mercy of someone who could possibly introduce too much drama at either the wrong time or too much at one time. However, if the Chairperson is responsible for all drama introduction/production the principle of quantity and time becomes null and void. But does a person of complexity automatically imply inevitable complications? I should say not! The two, while easily misconstrued and misunderstood, are separate traits that may or may not be shared by the same person. For myself, over the past several years I have chosen a life of simplicity in perspective coupled with complexity in nature. I have come to appreciate the ecstasy of a simplistic mindset sporadically spiced with rare occasions of complexity distribution.

In a recent conversation...

with a friend in the education field a previous notion regarding the system as a whole is confirmed. Does this thought both past and present amount to anything terribly profound or even detrimental? Perhaps -- depending of course on which end of the stick you’re holding. The confirmed notion is as follows: Teachers do not precisely “grade” all the papers turned in by students… in fact, instructors fudging grades is not exactly an uncommon practice. Is this anything new? Well, no – especially for those with a college degree. Having a professor apply a thirty-point curve to a class average in the 60’s is not unheard of… though we have to wonder why a professor is administering an exam where the majority of the students cannot even attain passing marks. For example, I have a friend who graduates with a double-e where several classes exhibit a class average below 50, one even as low as 17! A bit much? I should say so! What exactly does a student grasp from a class when the exam in its entirety is marked-up and riddled with ink? The pupil walks away knowing how to be wrong more so than mastering the topics and ideas necessary for successful course completion. But is “course completion” simply all that matters in the long run?… These thoughts also remind me of several individuals from junior high and high school throwing literal fits when their desired grade is not achieved. The child (yes child – perfectly describing their atrocious behavior) receives a B when an A was what they want, and begin their barrage of teacher-questioning until alas, the teacher gives in and relinquishes the A. Bearing witness to this behavior so regularly I quickly become disenchanted with the education system from a general-purpose perspective. These students clearly fail to learn responsibility and what being an adult requires of oneself; instead they choose to point the finger at the instructor and somehow insinuate faulty teachings and examinations. The fact that the teacher actually gave the grade is equally as disturbing as a student crying and fitting to get what he/she wants. My distaste for these actions virtually provokes physical anger primarily because your grade is no one’s liability and no one’s fault but your own. If you do not put the necessary time into studying or if you simply study the wrong material – deal with it. In addition, grades acquired via inflation (also seen in many IV League universities in attempt to maintain a false sense of achievement) do nothing for the student except provide an inaccurate account of the true performance the learner reveals during the course. Granted, if the test is truly faulty then a grade modification is certainly warranted and borderline expected. If not, then take your pathetic-watch-me-cry-and-drool-I’m-a-failure-forever-B back home to the parentals and say no more. I can honestly say I have never argued for a better grade (or worse mind you) simply because I have always been fully aware of the grades I deserve(d) (I normally prefer(red) to engage in other activities besides studying and would regularly take tests without actually ever seeing the material before in my life – quite amusing at times) and would not dare attempt to pawn off the responsibility to an instructor who quite frankly owes me nothing. However, these same junior high and high school students continue such despicable behavior through college, move on to graduate school or acquire a job largely due to inflation and somehow have the audacity to count themselves as successful. Successful at what? This sort of student mentality is without hesitation not a new species, but is honor no longer present in our society? Has the simple act of achieving by any means necessary become more important than living with integrity and character? Apparently so… and yet, no authority figures, whether parents, teachers, university officials, etc., seem to present the slightest concern.